miercuri, 27 octombrie 2010

Ady and Nicky, my beloved angels

35 years I felt so loved, like an almighty god. 35 years I knew that no matter how big the mistakes I will made, someone would have tell me not to worry. Someone would have tell me that I am the one. 35 years I knew that when I come home, I can tell them my deeds and I can make them proud. 35 years I had a family, all mine. 35 years I was coming home with a single purpose: to see how they are doing. All my life I was coming home and my father put the magic food on the table and my mom put the magic touch of hand on my head. 35 years I wanted to make them happy and safe. Their name is Adia and Nicolae, Ady and Nicky as everybody was calling them.
Nicky went first to heaven as he went first in the morning for everything in our life. Ady stayed with me longer, as she did all my childhood and as I did lately with her in this life. She was the spoiled one, but mom deserves everything in the universe, you know?
All the plans I was making, wanting to show them the world, or just my world, went as the smoke from the crematorium. All that you feel after you realize the inevitable is the infinite sadness and the crying. And all you can do is cry more, as you feel a little better inside, just to cry more.
Something is hurting inside me, like a cancer in my soul. It is like my body is emptied of his magic content. And the most terrifying moment is when I come home and the house is empty and the hurt is so deep that I need to sit. And the only comfortable feeling I can get is from crying.
But as the crying gets thinner, I realize that I can cherish them all my life. And they are now always with me, by my side. Happy, hand in hand, in heaven.
I lost my faith in God in the last years. But paradise must exists for my mom and my dad. If it doesn't, I will make or steal one for them. No matter what.
Missing is hurting and dying so slowly. Cause I will never believe anybody again if they call me Andreiasu (the DiMinutive from Andrei), as my mommy did, or Jugulina (a regional DiMinutive) as my father.
But I will live for them as they will live through me. We will be guardian angels for each other in the other worlds we are and live now.

Mama, tata, you are always with me from now on. Let's conquer the world and be happy.

DiMi The Orphan